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Helping Children Understand Their Emotions: Insights from MIS Talks
At our February MIS Talks, we welcomed licensed professional counselor Alessia Bulsara, M.Ed., LPCC, LPC, RPT, who led an engaging session titled:
Helping Our Children Understand Their Emotions
The conversation centered on practical strategies for emotional regulation in children, grounded in neuroscience and inspired by the bestselling parenting book The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson.
Parents walked away with both science-backed understanding and immediately usable tools for supporting their children during big emotional moments.
Why Do Children “Flip Their Lid”? (The Brain Science Behind Big Emotions)
One of the most powerful takeaways from the session was a simple brain model parents can visualize:
The Brain as a House
- Upstairs Brain = The Library
Logic, reasoning, empathy, and problem-solving live here. - Downstairs Brain = The Security Guard
This is the survival center — home to fight, flight, freeze, and big emotions.
When a child experiences overwhelming emotions, the “Security Guard” takes over and essentially shuts the door to the “Library.”
This is what Dr. Siegel calls “flipping your lid.”
When this happens:
- A child is dysregulated
- Logical reasoning will not work
- The behavior is biological, not intentional misbehavior
Understanding this reframes how adults respond. A dysregulated child isn’t being “bad.” Their brain is temporarily offline in the areas responsible for reasoning and self-control.
How to Help a Dysregulated Child: Connect Before You Correct
When a child’s “lid is flipped,” discipline strategies based purely on logic are unlikely to succeed. Instead, Alessia emphasized several key strategies rooted in co-regulation and connection.
1. Co-Regulate First
Children borrow our nervous systems.
If we remain calm, our nervous system helps regulate theirs.
Your calm truly is contagious.
Your calm truly is contagious.
Before correcting behavior, focus on steady breathing, grounded tone, and emotional presence.
2. Connect Before You Teach
When children feel safe and understood, their brains can return to the “Upstairs” state.
Connection might look like:
- Sitting at their level
- Validating feelings (“That was really frustrating.”)
- Offering physical reassurance if welcomed
Once connection is restored, learning can happen.
3. Predictability Creates Peace
The brain thrives on safety and predictability.
Routines, visual schedules, and consistent transitions reduce stress triggers that often lead to emotional outbursts.
For young children especially, knowing what comes next reduces anxiety and supports emotional regulation.
4. Empower with Choice
Offering limited choices gives children a sense of control — which lowers emotional escalation.
For example:
- “Would you like to put on your shoes first or pack your bag first?”
- “Do you want the blue cup or the green cup?”
Choice supports autonomy without overwhelming the child.
Recommended Resource for Parents
For families who want to dive deeper into the neuroscience and strategies discussed, we highly recommend:
The Whole-Brain Child
This book offers practical, research-backed tools to help children integrate emotions and logic — building lifelong emotional intelligence.
Why Emotional Intelligence Matters at Magellan International School
At Magellan International School, we believe that education extends far beyond academics.
Yes, we are proud to offer:
- International Baccalaureate programs
- Spanish immersion
- Rigorous, inquiry-based learning
But we are equally committed to nurturing the whole child.
Supporting Students Beyond Academics
Our approach includes:
- Social-emotional learning woven into daily instruction
- Classroom routines that promote predictability and safety
- Teachers trained to co-regulate and guide emotional development
- An emphasis on empathy, reflection, and self-awareness
These elements are deeply aligned with the philosophy of the International Baccalaureate.
The IB framework encourages students to become:
- Caring
- Reflective
- Balanced
- Principled
- Open-minded
Emotional intelligence is not an add-on. It is foundational to developing globally minded, compassionate leaders.
When students learn to understand and manage their emotions, they are better equipped to:
- Collaborate
- Think critically
- Take action
- Contribute positively to their communities
In other words, helping children understand their emotions is not separate from academic success — it supports it.
If you’re interested in future MIS Talks or want to learn more about how Magellan supports the whole child, we invite you to explore our programs and connect with our community.
Because at Magellan, we don’t just educate minds — we nurture humans. 💛
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